Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
