I am puke
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
