So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
