Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
