I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
do nipples grow back?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
