Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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