The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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