I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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