none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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