when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
