lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think my fart just growled at me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
