Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
