i don't like sucking hair
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
