ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
