I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This baby is an asshole
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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