I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
