you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
