dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
