Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
