you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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