I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
