I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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