we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
