I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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