I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
