She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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