why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
