well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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