dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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