people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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