Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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