He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she told me i tasted like america
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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