I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
