sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
