If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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