So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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