Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
