This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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