Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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