So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
