the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
