Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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