sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
