just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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