What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
