There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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