Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
