see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
