Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
