You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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