Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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