i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
