Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
