party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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