im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
