just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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