I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
