If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you traded sex for a burrito?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
