Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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