do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
