take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
