Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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