Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
