It's Friday. Sex?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
