that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
