I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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