My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
