so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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