Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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