we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
