well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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