As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
