Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
