When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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