my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize