When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Enjoy the penises
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
