Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
