I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
