Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
