Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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