What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
