you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
